Tuesday, April 5, 2011

steps to keep boredom out of marriage

Most couples fall in love, but forget to grow in love

A common word that keeps coming up when couples seeks counselling is “change”. Most people in marriages that have lost their lustre often blame the bad state of their relationship on the partner who “changed” after courtship.
For many couples, life seems to stall when the honeymoon comes to an end and marriage starts to take shape. Suddenly, your husband starts to leave you behind, yet before marriage, he allowed you to accompany him everywhere, even when he went to meet the boys.
Men usually complain that their wives let themselves go and are no longer as loving and attentive as they were before marriage.
Every relationship goes through a cycle. In the beginning, you’re so wrapped up in each other, nothing else matters. You’re the centre of each other’s universe and you spend every waking moment with each other.
With time however, and as responsibilities increase, this changes. For instance, the time and attention you gave each other reduces significantly, especially when children come into the picture.
Here’s my take: Some things will change when you get married, but as long as you promise not to take each other for granted, these changes need not be significant enough to make your marriage become boring and taxing.
Here’s what most of us miss in this game of love. We fall in love, and forget to grow in love. Falling in love is easy. It’s a passive and spontaneous experience. However, growing in love is active and needs constant input if you want to continue enjoying the benefits of being in love.
What do you do to grow in love? Try these simple, yet effective steps
Communicate: Never assume that you know what is best for your spouse. Always share your thoughts and plans with your spouse.
Men, please do not buy a piece of land before involving your wife, or worse put up a house without consulting her. This is the kind of secrecy that breeds distrust.
And to the women, please consult your husband before transferring your children to another school — just because you spend more time with your children than he does doesn’t mean that only you know what’s best for them.
 Accept your spouse just the way he or she is.
Forgive: Have you lost trust in your spouse before for something he did? Have you really forgiven him? Forgiving by word of mouth will not do. It’s time to leave the past behind if you want to enjoy your marriage.
admits at times to being wrong and dont get tired of saying darling am sorry
You are not too old to party: Most men complain that their wives are no longer the fun-loving women they knew, that they’re too serious, and take their roles as wives and mothers too seriously. Once in a while, forget the children and the cleaning and go out and have fun. Marriage isn’t a job; it need not be too serious.
Weekend getaway: Ever thought of taking the children to a relative’s or friend’s house over the weekend so that you can spend time together? Try it once in a while and watch your marriage bounce back.
Rededicate your love: A simple “I love you” tends to work wonders. This reminds you that you are growing together in love and that you are still happy with each other.
Once in a while, do something special for each other, such as buying each other gifts, or preparing a special meal and enjoying it together,surprise him/her with a new movie,long drive etc,but we should be careful not to judge the marriage life by  a TV standards(. . . Bold and the Beautiful. . .).No one is living that fairy tale for real.You'll miss out on your own fairy tale by buying into the myth that our men women are no good.its just not true.
It says that you don’t take each other for granted.
Start enjoying your marriage! coz am enjoying mine and i thank God for everything
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